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Apple iPhone

The new iPhone range was revealed earlier this morning.  There are three new variants of the iPhone X - The iPhone XS , the iPhone XS Max and the iPhone XR.  I've quickly realized the reason why the XS is called the XS - the XSive prices.  For $NZ2799 you can have a top-of-the-line 512GB model with a screen that's big enough to extend out to the orbit of Pluto.  And at that price, you could easily fund a manned space mission to it.  It's a more painful rip-off than waxing.  You could easily buy a decent gaming PC for that price, and then some.

And don't get me wrong, I love Apple.  I own an iPhone 7 as well as a Samsung Galaxy S6.  The iPhone 7 doesn't have the wireless charging, fast charging or the beautiful AMOLED screen of the S6.  But it has a considerably more durable charging port and a notably longer battery life, nor is the battery faulty, for that matter.  The battery life of the Samsung on the other hand lasts about as long as a sex-starved premature eja…
Recent posts

Shit Towns of New Zealand Comment Posters

It's important in life that we take the piss out of ourselves, our towns, country, countrymen and each other.  And just because we take the piss out of each other or ourselves doesn't always mean that there is some truth to what we are saying.  But of course, sometimes there is.  All places have their charms - Hamilton has it's nightlife, Auckland has a tower you can toss yourself off of if life isn't quite living up to your expectations and Wellington has a plethora of transportation options for getting away from the political circus that's in town almost every damn week of the year.

British surrealist comedy troupe Monty Python once famously sang a song called, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."  In other words, if you can't stand the sight and smell of a turd, move back and look away.  There are far more pleasantries to be seen and had if you look elsewhere.  Yet, that is exactly what motivated the creator of the now infamous Facebook page, …

Real Life Soundtracks

Movies and television programs incorporate songs into their soundtracks carefully, thoughtfully and with relevance to the scene at hand - after all, it would be frankly ridiculous (although possibly hilarious) to use Minnie Riperton's "Loving You" as non-diegetic background music to a prison rape scene.  In fact it would be ridiculous to use that song for any reason -  aside from perhaps, for determining what your dog sounds like howling.  Or to demonstrate the effects of high-pitched frequencies on glass.  And possibly as a mostly cost effective alternative to waterboarding.

But some songs make for great soundtracks to the goings on and frivolities of everyday life - police pursuits, for instance, are a great example.  On the Spotify playlist on my phone for example, I have two bluegrass "getaway" songs - "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" by Flatt and Scruggs and "Whitehouse Blues" by Bill Monroe.  They're great for whenever you're in the …

Auckland

I love Auckland. Well, the central city and the East Coast Bays parts of the North Shore anyway. In the case of the central city my love for it extends only from the time in the morning at which it is safe to wear anything that costs more than 70 dollars to the time in the evening at which that ceases to be the case again. Outside those hours, your chances of being mugged, robbed or stabbed go up exponentially. On the upside, your chances of getting laid are probably pretty good if a) you’ve got a lot of money and prefer to solicit sexy time from reputable escorts and respectable rub ‘n’ tug joints (BTW what’s The Whitehouse like? Asking for a friend), or b) you don’t have a lot of money but the otherwise gruesome prospect of genital warts and passing razor blades through your swizzler is a non-issue. On the downside however, your chances of getting laid are likewise pretty good if it’s against your will. But then again, if you’re intellectually short-changed enough to go waddl…

I'm back baby....maybe.

Yeah, that's right.  I'm back.  Maybe.  It's been AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGEEEEEESSSS since I last wrote a post - like last August, and the last time I was posting on a regular basis was even further back - if memory serves me right, we'd just gotten out of the paleolithic era, everything was in black and white, lambskin loincloths were all the rage and Noah was still alive.


So what, you may ask, has compelled me to revisit this blog?  Having twigged that this blog (out of my three Blogger blogs) has been sorely neglected, I set out to see why.  Aside from the fact that I don't in fact hate everything and in fact would rather be taking the piss out of everything via satire, I got bored of writing lengthy (or semi-lengthy) posts that I felt compelled to write on a regular basis.  And thus, my quasi-ADHD tendencies got the better of me.   So I'm now thinking of writing less, but more often.  I'll see how it goes - writing is a somewhat tiresome and suprisingly time-con…

Strippers have feelings too...and human rights.

An issue pertaining to the sexual assault of a stripper by members of a provincial rugby team has recently been making the rounds of the various media outlets in New Zealand, including on their Facebook pages.
And likewise, there has been a volley of responses on the Facebook page to the story. Mostly negative of course, but in this instance many of these comments are essentially shifting the burden of guilt from the actual perpetrators themselves onto the victim herself. And it is this victim blaming mentality that irks me just as much as the offending acts do. It is adding insult to injury when a stripper, whose occupation was traditionally centered around pure spectacle without groping, is accused of being irresponsible and subsequently culpable, at least in part, for her actions. And during my academic tenure, particularly with regards to those papers which focused on gender politics, I was instructed in various theories such as patriarchy, hegemonic masculinity and sexual o…

Dave On The Academic After-Life

So you've done it. You've put out enough sweat to bring Kiribati's submersion threat to a tipping point. You've driven yourself to a point of madness that you're borderline comatose. And you've written enough essays to make the sum of every Wikipedia page resemble a brief scribbling on a Post It note. You've completed university. And somehow, you are still alive. Somehow.
And yet, despite all the blood, sweat, tears and what have you, you've managed to do the unthinkable and complete your studies. In the time it took you to complete them, you've borne witness to the election of 24 US presidents, the reign of seven British monarchs, the coming and going of 50 popes, six viral epidemics, the Second Coming, the death of Keith Richards, the series finale of The Simpsons, the discovery of extraterrestrial life, interstellar travel, a Charles in Charge reboot, the discovery of intelligent life, solved the Rubik's cube by yourself, and of course,…