Shit Towns of New Zealand Comment Posters

It's important in life that we take the piss out of ourselves, our towns, country, countrymen and each other.  And just because we take the piss out of each other or ourselves doesn't always mean that there is some truth to what we are saying.  But of course, sometimes there is.  All places have their charms - Hamilton has it's nightlife, Auckland has a tower you can toss yourself off of if life isn't quite living up to your expectations and Wellington has a plethora of transportation options for getting away from the political circus that's in town almost every damn week of the year.

British surrealist comedy troupe Monty Python once famously sang a song called, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."  In other words, if you can't stand the sight and smell of a turd, move back and look away.  There are far more pleasantries to be seen and had if you look elsewhere.  Yet, that is exactly what motivated the creator of the now infamous Facebook page, "Shit Towns of New Zealand" in the first place.  Not to cause trouble, or even offense, for that matter.  But to look at a town's deficits with a humorous light.  Of course, every town has it's problems and undesirable elements - Hamilton has very little on offer entertainment-wise before 7 pm Wednesday through Saturday, and half of Auckland is full of criminals.  Wellington is full of politicians.  And the rest of the country have their own jokes too, as the comment threads on Shit Towns of New Zealand are anything to go by.  I'm sure Hokitika is a lovely town in many aspects, as are Palmerston North, Waimate and Rotorua.

There's always a quirk, or unsavory aspect to every town and city that deserves to cop shit every once in a while.  But thanks to insecure cretins that creep out of the woodwork and into the light whenever there's a new town to be ripped into, apparently what they are essentially saying is,
"whatever you do, don't go to Rangiora, it's full of bogans" or "don't go to Hamilton, you'll come out with VD."  And people are subsequently getting worked up by it for no good reason.  Having lived in South Auckland, West Auckland and Hamilton I can tell you there are definite negatives to living there, and I am certainly much happier living on the North Shore than any of those places.  But believe it or not, they have their upsides too, even if the climate isn't the best or that criminality seems to be a favorite pastime for many in those areas.  The North Shore has its downsides too - for starters, it's too expensive, English is a dying tongue in some parts and some people have more cash than brains.  But then I think of the bays and beaches that I grew up around and I tap my shoes together and think "there's no place like home..."

...But alas, even that does sweet bugger all for getting me home faster.  Auckland's traffic woes are nothing to be envied.  If you're a stickler for punctuality, start doing your Christmas shopping in September and beat the rush.  You'll be home in time for Christmas, just not in time for the clock to tick over to December 25th.  And you can probably thank the inebriated "Tits-for-tickets Friday nights-at-the-Brownzy" voyeuristic yobbos for taking an improvised drunken shortcut through the Browns Bay Bowling Club, creating four traffic bottlenecks simultaneously (and two new entryways for the Club while we're at it!) and flipping themselves onto their roofs and spilling their beer thanks to those stupid bloody speed humps that were recently installed.  Oh, and also the sheilas who work the raffle nights for finally putting their shirts on again and subsequently sending these sloshed "sexually self-liberated" numpties on their way.

So yes, you have to take the bad with the good.  And the best way to do so is with satire.  But don't be an ass and think that what the good people at Shit Towns of New Zealand towers have to say is the anathemic be all and end all of a town's public standing.  EVERYONE is copping it.  If you threaten someone's life just because you don't have a sense of humor (and probably more than that) then you are doing more harm to a township's reputation than what some benign piss-taking article ever will.

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