The Return of American Warships to NZ

Recently, the subject of American warships returning to visit New Zealand ports has been prominently featured in media headlines as of recently.  The issue, of course, for any New Zealander who has been around since the days of Lange is invariably a contentious one, since we decided back in 1985 that they weren’t welcome in our ports anymore, due to our anti-Nuclear stance.  So strong was our anti-nuclear stance, in fact, that we broke off ANZUS military relations with the US.  Just installing a smoke alarm (many of which contain the radioactive element Americium 241) would most likely attract a horde of peeved-off, vocal, rent-a-crowd socialists to your place, complete with the universal protest chant, improvised protest signs and the token old lady who has “been around since 'Nam.”

Now there is talk about them coming back.  And if polls on some New Zealand news websites like stuff.co.nz are anything to go by, there is, strangely enough, a notable amount of support for such an idea.  Which, in a world rampant with anti-US sentiment, is rather odd.  Why would we be so keen to have a change of heart on the matter?

I think that the lack of a decent defense force is making people pine for the days when we could hold off an invasion from Fiji and their fleet of dinghies for more than 0.05 seconds.  Nowadays, a boatload of refugees from the third world could easily hold our government to ransom by simply confronting the police maritime unit in Kaipara harbor and presenting a water pistol.

The lack of a reputable, strong defense force, it seems, is also empowering the inner children of Kiwi men to grab their adult personas by the cojones and make them wish that they could step inside a full-fledged aircraft carrier on a public open day at Devonport and witness for themselves the fruits of the United States’ unfathomably immense defense budget.  But, sadly for Kiwi blokes, this is an unlikely prospect, due to the effects of extremist terrorism making security protocols tighter than the duck’s proverbial egg hole.  And had New Zealand hospitals never instigated a policy of routine circumcision in the last 90-100 years (despite the policy being dropped several decades ago), verifying one’s identity for security purposes would have been as easy as pulling down your pants at the door.

It is indeed strange, that a country that hates nuclear fission technology even more than Richard Nixon hated hippies would be willing to open its doors to a force loathed by the rest of the world, including many Kiwis.  China and its allegedly increasing influence in the Pacific, they say, is spooking us.  Or, it could be that many Kiwis like America more than they let on.   Who knows?  Who cares?  America is awesome for the most part.  And so is New Zealand.  The governments of both countries just seem to do a lot of questionable things, irrespective of who is in power.