Dave on Desperate Retail Salespeople

Selling a product to consumers is an art in itself.  But, having said that, it isn’t rocket science either.  Amongst many other things, it requires common sense, empathy, sympathy, and of course, knowledge, and one’s effectiveness at doing so invariably affects the speed and progress that they make in moving up in the world.

So why is it that whenever you go into retail outlets like Bond + Bond or Dick Smith you eventually find yourself being greeted by some overenthusiastic noob who’s mental state and behavior would be sufficient enough to invoke an inquiry from your local police constable?  And possibly invite the attention of some brilliant astrophysicist who has been left stumped as to why this person’s overly bubbly and excitable behavior hasn’t resulted in them breaking free of Earth’s gravitational pull and boldly going where no frozen, grinning stiff has been before.

But Tigger-on-amphetamines selling strategies aside, they often don’t have any idea what they are talking about.  I recall one instance where some bloke tried to sell me a laptop.  I asked him quite clearly if they had any multi-core notebooks on sale.  He said they don’t have multi-core processors in laptops, only single-core ones.  Yet my current laptop is a multi-core unit, as was my previous one.  As a result, I am afflicted with a hand sized indentation in my temple where the palm of my hand hit my forehead.

And to make matters worse, they come across as desperate.  Very desperate, in fact.  It is as if the boss is going to sever their head if they fail to make the daily quota of one.  This is a terrible way to try and convince a consumer to buy their products.  In fact, one of the worst ways you can imagine.  It’s a bit like trying to get sympathy sex by telling people you are dying of AIDS. People are going to put on an awkward facial expression and starting marching in the opposite direction pretty quickly.

Of course, most salespeople aren’t like this.  They just aren’t that silly.  And they’re generally knowledgeable enough to sell their products to the customer’s satisfaction.  It’s a seemingly public minority that are about as jovial as Pee-Wee Herman doing a Woody Woodpecker laugh that frightens the customers away and brings an entire multi-national company into disrepute.  Thankfully, for the good of humanity, consumerism and capitalism, many retail outlets hire a large number of people to offset the buffoons who taint the corporate image that is usually only tainted by the occasional run ins with the Commerce Commission.  And I for one, am grateful for this.