Dave on Fanboys

Humans, in particular males, have a seemingly nasty need to prove that they are somehow better than others.  They do this by a variety of means, such as competition and association.  Competition, of course, comes in the form of things such as sport.  Association comes in a multitude of forms, such as sporting fans.  But very recently, there has emerged a phenomenon regarding strong associative behavior, which can be easily identified at the personified level as a ‘fanboy'.

The term ‘fanboy’ derives from modern geek culture.  It is frequently cited whenever nerds bicker and squabble over which is better – Apple or Android.  It can also be applied outside traditional nerd areas of interests – even cars, but it is easily the most prevalent amongst nerds.  Star Trek vs. Star Wars fans, PS3 vs. Xbox360 fans, and perhaps even Mac vs. PC/Linux fans.

It is all too easy to identify a fanboy.  Fanboys are usually extremely arrogant, are self-righteous and like to make factually erroneous statements in order to glorify and validate whatever they are passionate about.  They believe their interests are superior to that of others, and that the opposition’s interests are complete garbage, overrated, and of course, in reflection of the former, something befitting of losers.

Whenever an argument between two or more fan boys arises, an analysis of the debate invariably invokes a psychological variation of Godwin’s Law, where the inevitable citing of Nazi subject matters within the debate (which defines that particular law of course) is substituted with Freudian references.  Look at the V8 vs. Import racer  phenomenon – both think they’re better than each other, both think the other party’s cars suck, and most notably, there is a great deal of passion in promoting their own superiority agenda.  The V8 brigade is particularly bad, thinking that bigger is better, that Japanese cars are gay, and using every spare opportunity to brag how much more superior they are to the import fanboys.  The import fanboys are more humble and less aggressive than many in the V8 community, but just like their counterparts, they seem to insist that they are of a superior breed of human.   In either case, one may argue that Freudian fantasies are at play in both camps.

Refuting Common Fanboy Arguments

Here I will list some common fanboy debates and discuss the pro and cons of each side of their respective debates.

Apple  vs. Android.

Apple devices are generally better built, better looking and far easier to use than Android devices.  They have a straightforward interface that takes little time and little written instruction to learn, and are generally stable.  However, they are more expensive, less customizable, and more restricted than Android gizmos.   The closed nature of the platform does have advantages in terms of malware control, however.

Android devices are cheaper, more accessible to the average consumer, and can run apps that Apple would most likely refuse to publish.  They can openly run apps that are not featured on Google’s equivalent of iTunes App Store (Play).  Android can run on virtually anything too.  The downside is that Android is more malware prone, is generally less stable, and often has more bugs than those running Apple’s software.  Learning to use it can be much more difficult as well.

PS3 vs. Xbox 360

Contrary to the misinformation spread by some Xbox360 owners, the PS3 outmatches the Xbox performance wise on almost every specification.  It also plays Blu-Ray, supports Bluetooth, and has a far better track record for reliability.  On the downside, it costs more  to buy, has an inferior games catalog, and the controllers are garbage compared to the PS2 and original PlayStation.

Xbox 360 as mentioned before, has more games, is a better looking unit, and is cheaper in price.  However, the earlier units were unreliable, with an alleged 33 percent failure rate!  Nor does it play Blu-Ray.

V8s vs. “Imports”

V8 engines are capable of producing much more power and torque than any import racer with a 4, 6 or rotary engine ever will, and they can produce greater amounts of power more reliably.  These facts form the basis of the saying, “There’s no replacement for displacement.”  Older muscle cars in particular look great when they’ve been done up, and the sound that emanates from a big block V8 is to die for.  However, the pushrod configuration of many V8 engines can generally limit the rev range of these engines, although NASCAR motors will often hit 10,000rpm.  They also drink more fuel, are statistically less reliable than their Japanese counterparts, and come from factories with apathetic workforces who care more about their next smoko break than putting windshields in correctly.

Imports, on the other hand, are often quicker off the mark, navigate corners much better, drink less, and especially in the case of Japanese vehicles, more reliable (with the exception of the Mazda rotaries).  Ported rotaries sound awesome, and stock ported engines are as smooth as a baby’s bum.    Honda VTECS and Mazda rotaries have reputations for high-revving.  Done up correctly and carefully, they can look awesome, but most sadly end up looking even more plasticky to the point where they resemble Jocelyn Wildenstein.  Parts are more readily available as well.

Rotaries, unfortunately, have a poor reputation for unreliability, drink almost as much as a V8, and have little torque.  Japanese cars in general also tend to come across as bland, soulless people movers rather than exciting, charismatic machines that you’d only want to take out on Sunday.

I believe Billy Connolly could have easily put the whole fan boy debate to rest when he said that something isn’t crap, it just isn’t your cup of tea.  And many will agree that there is a great element of truth to that.  Nevertheless, fan boys will sadly continue to wilfully ignore such wisdom and keep on engaging in phallic compensation competitions until such debates result in bloodshed.  Which I wholeheartedly believe is an inevitability.  On the plus side, the rest of civilization can sit back and enjoy as nerds battle it out throwing girly punches and pitiful slaps whilst arguing over whether Star Trek or Star Wars is the better sci-fi franchise.